Since August 22, 2005 life seemed to not exist for me. I had a very hard struggle getting back into the swing of things. I couldn't go into her room because everything screamed of her. The morning she left I took her pjs that she had on the night before and gently laid them in her crib. I couldn't bear to wash them and lose her smell. I closed the door to her room and stayed out unless I wanted to venture in and hold her pjs and smell them. I don't remember how long I did this because that time seems like a blur to me. It all runs together. Richard and I were so devastated over it that we considered letting our foster parent license run out and not put ourselves that kind of trauma again. During those months I perodically visited Gianna at her parents trailer, but found it to be a very stressful on me and her. So January of 2006 was the last time I visited the trailer. Her mother did ask me to come down one time to watch her so she could go to the doctor. After I stopped going I would be on the lookout for her when I was in Washington or watched for her picture in the paper. Her mother would take her to the local newspaper during Halloween, Christmas and Easter to have her picture taken and then it would be in the paper. I did see a few of those.
During that time we did have a few placements in our home, but I just wasn't feeling the desire to foster so we didn't have them long.
Then the surprise of our lives came on February 16, 2007....................
Friday, September 19, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
So that evening we brought our little girl home. It was a very eventful night. Not much sleep. She was having a hard time adjusting to the new place. As time went on she grew more comfortable with us and started interacting and playing well. She became used to our routine and things were going pretty smoothly until........THE DREADED VISITATION WITH BIOLOGICAL PARENTS STARTED. The visits took place at the CPS office, fully supervised. That was very hard for me to have to hand her over to the caseworker and let her be with her parents. I felt as if my very being was pulled from me. She was "my" daughter and I became the 'MOTHER HEN'. Now if you know me, you know that this mother hen is very protective of her "chicks" and I did a lot of squawking. It helped very little, I should have saved my breath.
As things progressed, the visits moved to the home. Gianna would be picked up by an agency and transported to the home and they would supervise the visit and then bring her back. This was hard for me to adjust to. I still can't figure out why God has called me into this ministry, because it is way out of my comfort zone. I have too many emotions.
June 2004 rolled around and our other foster daughter was also having visits with her dad and on June 11, 2004 she permenantly moved back with him. That was a sad day. I still remember her walking down our sidewalk and crying. We have since been in contact with her and hope to eventually get to see her again.
As the days and weeks went on the more attached we became. She was definitely mine now and I was going to stand up against anyone.....or so I thought. Things kept going at a rapid pace with the parents and visitation and I was soon told that Gianna would be going back with her parents. My heart was crushed. I have never in my life felt the pain that I had. It is the most deep, inner, heart wrenching pain ever. God had given my heart to Gianna and now He was taking it away. But God was and is in control and I didn't see the entire picture, I was only seeing what mine small mind would allow me. Little did I know that I would be on a rollercoaster ride for an indefinite time.
August 22, 2005, the day the world stopped for me. We all stayed home that morning to say our goodbyes to Gianna. She didn't know what was happening, she just knew that something wasn't right with mommy and daddy. I felt literally sick. As I am typing this now and reliving that day, my chest is tight and I have tears in my eyes. The home specialist from CPS came to get Gianna and her things and take her back to her parents. As we watched the lady get out of her car and come for the door I noticed that she had tears rolling down her cheeks. This woman actually had emotions, I felt so bad. I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't stop her from taking my baby. She came in and we all cried. She gave us time to say goodbye and then we loaded up Gianna's things in the car. The lady tried putting her in the car seat and she just screamed for me. So I bent in the car, put her in the seat and told her that I loved her as my eyes were crying rivers of tears. As I closed the door to the car, Gianna was still screaming for me and not understanding why mommy was letting her go. I felt so low that day, I think I could have died. After they left, my family and I went back into the house and cried for awhile. I have not been the same after that horrific day.
To Be Continued.......
As things progressed, the visits moved to the home. Gianna would be picked up by an agency and transported to the home and they would supervise the visit and then bring her back. This was hard for me to adjust to. I still can't figure out why God has called me into this ministry, because it is way out of my comfort zone. I have too many emotions.
June 2004 rolled around and our other foster daughter was also having visits with her dad and on June 11, 2004 she permenantly moved back with him. That was a sad day. I still remember her walking down our sidewalk and crying. We have since been in contact with her and hope to eventually get to see her again.
As the days and weeks went on the more attached we became. She was definitely mine now and I was going to stand up against anyone.....or so I thought. Things kept going at a rapid pace with the parents and visitation and I was soon told that Gianna would be going back with her parents. My heart was crushed. I have never in my life felt the pain that I had. It is the most deep, inner, heart wrenching pain ever. God had given my heart to Gianna and now He was taking it away. But God was and is in control and I didn't see the entire picture, I was only seeing what mine small mind would allow me. Little did I know that I would be on a rollercoaster ride for an indefinite time.
August 22, 2005, the day the world stopped for me. We all stayed home that morning to say our goodbyes to Gianna. She didn't know what was happening, she just knew that something wasn't right with mommy and daddy. I felt literally sick. As I am typing this now and reliving that day, my chest is tight and I have tears in my eyes. The home specialist from CPS came to get Gianna and her things and take her back to her parents. As we watched the lady get out of her car and come for the door I noticed that she had tears rolling down her cheeks. This woman actually had emotions, I felt so bad. I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't stop her from taking my baby. She came in and we all cried. She gave us time to say goodbye and then we loaded up Gianna's things in the car. The lady tried putting her in the car seat and she just screamed for me. So I bent in the car, put her in the seat and told her that I loved her as my eyes were crying rivers of tears. As I closed the door to the car, Gianna was still screaming for me and not understanding why mommy was letting her go. I felt so low that day, I think I could have died. After they left, my family and I went back into the house and cried for awhile. I have not been the same after that horrific day.
To Be Continued.......
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Our Journey to Adopt Gianna....
The purpose of this blog is to journal the events that have taken place, are taking place and our hope for the future in the adoption of our little foster daughter, Gianna. I hope that this is an encouragement to those of you who want to adopt or are in the process of adopting. My intention is not to come across as a "know-it-all", but to give you an inside look at how our lives were changed and are still changing through adoption. I don't have all the answers but I am open to comments or questions that you may have. I will start at the beginning when we first met Gianna. Her given name by her birth mother is Georgianna Sue Elizabeth ______. I cannot share the last name. We however took the last part of her name and chose to call her Gianna, pronounced like: Gee-awna.
April 30, 2004
It was a Friday and it was a normal day for us. At the time we had another foster daugther who was 14. Me and the kids were going to Washington to go to Walmart and I just happened to think about that CPS (Child Protection Services) had told me that whenever I am in town sometime to stop by so they can do a face-to-face with the 14 year old. So about Montgomery, I called them and told them we are coming in about 10 minutes. Little did I know what lay ahead of me. When we got there I was summoned by a caseworker. She wanted to know if I was up taking a newborn home for a while. She was born on April 28, 2004 and was 2 days old. She was still in the hospital and needed a place to go immediately because bio parents were not mentally capable of taking her home at that point. I called Richard to see what he thought and he left it up to me, but he was all for it. And so the rushing begins......off to Walmart to buy for a newborn. I didn't have most stuff that you need and so they gave me a voucher and away we went to get our products. Meanwhile, the caseworker went to the hospital to get our precious little girl. The minute they placed her in my arms I was in love. We bonded very quickly.
To be continued........
April 30, 2004
It was a Friday and it was a normal day for us. At the time we had another foster daugther who was 14. Me and the kids were going to Washington to go to Walmart and I just happened to think about that CPS (Child Protection Services) had told me that whenever I am in town sometime to stop by so they can do a face-to-face with the 14 year old. So about Montgomery, I called them and told them we are coming in about 10 minutes. Little did I know what lay ahead of me. When we got there I was summoned by a caseworker. She wanted to know if I was up taking a newborn home for a while. She was born on April 28, 2004 and was 2 days old. She was still in the hospital and needed a place to go immediately because bio parents were not mentally capable of taking her home at that point. I called Richard to see what he thought and he left it up to me, but he was all for it. And so the rushing begins......off to Walmart to buy for a newborn. I didn't have most stuff that you need and so they gave me a voucher and away we went to get our products. Meanwhile, the caseworker went to the hospital to get our precious little girl. The minute they placed her in my arms I was in love. We bonded very quickly.
To be continued........
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