So that evening we brought our little girl home. It was a very eventful night. Not much sleep. She was having a hard time adjusting to the new place. As time went on she grew more comfortable with us and started interacting and playing well. She became used to our routine and things were going pretty smoothly until........THE DREADED VISITATION WITH BIOLOGICAL PARENTS STARTED. The visits took place at the CPS office, fully supervised. That was very hard for me to have to hand her over to the caseworker and let her be with her parents. I felt as if my very being was pulled from me. She was "my" daughter and I became the 'MOTHER HEN'. Now if you know me, you know that this mother hen is very protective of her "chicks" and I did a lot of squawking. It helped very little, I should have saved my breath.
As things progressed, the visits moved to the home. Gianna would be picked up by an agency and transported to the home and they would supervise the visit and then bring her back. This was hard for me to adjust to. I still can't figure out why God has called me into this ministry, because it is way out of my comfort zone. I have too many emotions.
June 2004 rolled around and our other foster daughter was also having visits with her dad and on June 11, 2004 she permenantly moved back with him. That was a sad day. I still remember her walking down our sidewalk and crying. We have since been in contact with her and hope to eventually get to see her again.
As the days and weeks went on the more attached we became. She was definitely mine now and I was going to stand up against anyone.....or so I thought. Things kept going at a rapid pace with the parents and visitation and I was soon told that Gianna would be going back with her parents. My heart was crushed. I have never in my life felt the pain that I had. It is the most deep, inner, heart wrenching pain ever. God had given my heart to Gianna and now He was taking it away. But God was and is in control and I didn't see the entire picture, I was only seeing what mine small mind would allow me. Little did I know that I would be on a rollercoaster ride for an indefinite time.
August 22, 2005, the day the world stopped for me. We all stayed home that morning to say our goodbyes to Gianna. She didn't know what was happening, she just knew that something wasn't right with mommy and daddy. I felt literally sick. As I am typing this now and reliving that day, my chest is tight and I have tears in my eyes. The home specialist from CPS came to get Gianna and her things and take her back to her parents. As we watched the lady get out of her car and come for the door I noticed that she had tears rolling down her cheeks. This woman actually had emotions, I felt so bad. I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't stop her from taking my baby. She came in and we all cried. She gave us time to say goodbye and then we loaded up Gianna's things in the car. The lady tried putting her in the car seat and she just screamed for me. So I bent in the car, put her in the seat and told her that I loved her as my eyes were crying rivers of tears. As I closed the door to the car, Gianna was still screaming for me and not understanding why mommy was letting her go. I felt so low that day, I think I could have died. After they left, my family and I went back into the house and cried for awhile. I have not been the same after that horrific day.

To Be Continued.......